Hypocrite or Hopeless?

Let’s talk about sex, shall we?

I love sex. Sex can be this amazing experience that makes you feel loved and complete. Sex can lead to babies and future changing decisions. On the other hand, sex can lead to STI’s and abortions and miscarriages. It can also leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled if it’s with the wrong person.

Yesterday I was joking with my ex about going out and sleeping around because I could do whatever I wanted. He laughed but then he said “yeah but you’re the kind of person who loves sex but needs more than that. You can do it for a while but it needs to mean something to you. That’s just what’s best for you”. I was sitting there thinking he’d just hit the nail right on the head when I realized that he has already been in those shoes.

Before and after he and I dated, he was trying to find meaning through sex. It meant nothing to him so it never brought him closer to finding the girl for him. He accused me of giving him no sympathy during that time and I laughed and started crying. CRYING! Why? Because while I was sitting at home pining for him and wishing he could love me the way I thought I loved him, he was off sleeping with another girl simply because that girl put sex on the table. He didn’t know them, he didn’t care about them, and it killed me.

So here I am, in the present, telling him that I’m going to sleep around and have it mean nothing to me. It was like I was the biggest hypocrite in the world. Like suddenly my stance on sex and its meanings meant nothing to me. Like I’d given up.

Have I?



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