So for all of you who read “The End” ….I never posted this blog post but it was the beginning. The beginning of something unlabelled and amazing that had to end eventually and did yesterday.
Let’s talk about sex shall we? It’s a bit of a touchy subject but I think we can handle it.
Sex is different for everybody and every body is different. What feels good for you might feel awful to someone else, what turns you on can turn someone off, what feels so right can feel so wrong. When considering all of this, communication is so important. Without it we could be doing everything that was great for our last partner but does nothing for the current one.
My last partner and I were together for quite some time. We knew everything that the other liked and our chemistry was so perfect that when we were together it was automatic, it was smooth, it was great. This was such the case that even after we broke up, every so often when we both felt lonely and just needed something easy we would have a night together. Eat food and just be together for a few hours.
The problem with my last partner though was that he couldn’t communicate with me beyond the bedroom. I didn’t know anything about his past, about his friends, about his family or about his thoughts. It was like knowing a body but not a person.
Which brings us to yesterday, when I was hanging out with a friend of mine. We were playing video games for a while and then he poked me in the thigh and I don’t know why but I knew. I felt so comfortable with him. A little while later I was standing in the kitchen and he came up to me and put his arms around me and started kissing me. It felt so right and he said “I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself…I just saw you there and..I had to kiss you”. I just laughed because he’s such a dork.
The evening just escalated and I won’t tell you all the details but I will say that it was great. I felt more comfortable laying there with him than I’d felt in months with other people. There was something in the way he held me that made me feel so comfortable and safe. There was something in the way he kissed my forehead that just made me feel like I was in the best place I could be in. When we knew we had to leave, it took us an hour to tear ourselves apart and get up.
The only problem now is that neither of us is in the best place to call us anything. Calling it a relationship would be a big step considering where I stand in his life. I am a little too close too his sisters and a little too close to his mom. Then there’s his side, where he doesn’t want to establish a relationship until he thinks it is guaranteed end game. So for now, we’re going to be together but not be together.