I think it’s clear through my writing that I am often times unhappy with life.
It’s strange when I think about how I am feeling because I live an exceptionally normal life. I live with roommates, I go to university, I go to work, sometimes I meet up with family, I hang out with friends, etc. There is no catastrophic thing in my life or especially broken thing that makes me feel unhappy. It is just a feeling I get.
I know I could be better off. I could be smarter, fitter, more popular, prettier, wealthier and all of that but I know that deep down those things aren’t the things that define our ultimate happiness. I have friends who possess these qualities but are often times unhappy with the qualities unlisted that they do not have.
I feel like we are all seeking the things we do not have and may never have but I don’t think that seeking those things makes us feel unhappy with what we do have. I think that in our minds we are just missing something that we will never have and it leads us to believe we are far worse off than we actually are.
I spent last night with a friend. We hang out often but our moods often vary. Last night we were both in good moods so we were being silly and goofy and it made me even more happy. Before we went to bed he laughed so naturally I asked “what?” and he pulled me close and said “ah nothing, I’m just happy”. Happy. We want to feel happy way more often than we actually get to feel happy. It was one of those moments where I buried my face in his shoulder and tried really hard to hold on to the memory. Both of us, happy.
Normally I have a moral to these stories so I suppose today the moral is that we can’t always be happy. We can waste our lives searching for this sense of ultimate happiness we may never find or we can accept that we won’t always be happy. We can accept that there are some people who we are comfortable with and enjoy their company most of the time and we can use those people to bring us happiness as often as they can.
I am not saying that we should put our happiness in someone else. It is really important that we be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel regardless of who is waiting there. Whether you go it alone or you find someone who fits perfectly in the crook of your shoulder, it is most important that you go. The journey will be riddled with dangers and pains but it is the journey of life that we must still take. If we happen to find a speck of happiness in someone else, then we are extremely fortunate but if we do not we are still fortunate enough to have this opportunity. This life that we can make into whatever we want it to be. This future in the distance that can be as bright as we want it to be so long as we learn first that before putting our happiness on someone else, we must first be happy with ourselves. Or, at the very least, understand that it is not the job of someone else to make you happy, they are there only to compliment it.