Waiting on the future

Today, a friend of mine was talking about marriage. He is 21 and has been dating this girl for a month and yet he was still considering their futures together. He seemed so sure and so ready as though he’d found someone worth spending forever with. I can’t even get past first dates with guys but he’s found his forever? I have trouble believing it but I am also really happy for him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to be that sure of the future.

I wake up every morning and I am unsure of the program I am studying, about the career I want, about the kind of guy I want, I am unsure of pretty much everything.

A big problem for me is that I have no goals. I don’t have any timing goals, you know those goals you want to reach by a certain age. I don’t have any goals of what I wish to achieve at all except that I want to graduate university.

Another big problem for me is that I want a gentleman. I want a man who is not rude and who will not pressure me and who will open doors for me. Not an amazing gentleman but at least a partial gentleman. I also want someone who is Godly. Someone who believes in God and follows that path at least in some way. However, I live in a generation where people can have a girl in all her glory at the touch of a button so there are few men who want to wait or are willing to put in the work.

I feel stuck. And my spleen hurts.



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