Of school: I am a student. As such, I am constantly left wondering what the point of my education is. I understand that it is supposed to offer me knowledge and insight into a certain field and help with a career later in life. However, I feel as though I am more of a machine than a person at this stage. I feel like my job is to memorize and regurgitate information. The problem with that is that soon after I spit it out, I forget it. So am I really learning?
Of a job: I work in a food industry job because with my experience that is the only establishment that will hire me. Everywhere else requires I have experience in their field in order to work for them. How am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? My job offers minimal hours at minimum wage. It consumes a lot of time while offering me very little use for later in my life. Why have a job at all? Why not live in a shoe since that’s as far as society is letting me go right now anyway.
Of love: If you think about it, the person you are dating right now is someone you will either break up with or marry. Isn’t that scary? To think you are either going to lose them or spend the rest of your life with them. Why bother dating when your odds are so low at this stage in life. I have had many offers from men but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with them or they won’t want to spend the rest of their life with me so why bother wasting both of our time?
All of this is to say, that I am pretty hopeless today. I am having trouble finding the light at the end of the tunnel because I feel like I’m walking down the wrong tunnel. I don’t want to move forward because I might be going the wrong way. I just want to sit and watch life pass by for a little while and see if there’s something can tell me where the way out is. I’m so tired, so tired of trying to be successful at things that will get me nowhere, tired of walking down a road that could potentially lead to nowhere. Tired.