Who are you?

Since I was a little kid I have lived by the saying “fake it till you make it”.

Can’t skate? fake it till you learn. Suck at making friends? Pretend your awesome till you make some. Have no social skills? Smile and act like you do.

Today was no exception. I’ve learned in life that in order to get where you need to go, you have to meet a few strangers. You have to be thrown into situations with new people and try and make your way through it. Today I had what they called a “group interview” which was their way of saying 35 people are being evaluated at the same time for various skill sets. When I walked into the room I plastered this smile on my face and made a joke with the women welcoming people in. One of the woman said “I like her” and then I realized I could fake my way through this until I was comfortable. So I sat down and introduced myself to new people as they came in. Until we were a group of 10 or so we were all talking and getting to know each other. The tension was easing inside me.

We were broken up into groups which was great for me because once I get to know a few people, I am good. All I need are a few people to keep me grounded. To remind me I am not alone. I’m this way anywhere…school…parties…I need someone to make me feel like I am okay.

I am not going to tell you I aced the interview because everyone is different and brings their own strengths and abilities to the process. I will tell you I spoke my mind and I made my opinions known and now all that’s left to do is hope for the best.

I’ve faked it until I made it so often in my life that it seems so normal to me. I act like I’m super comfortable and then after a while I don’t have to act anymore. Relationships aren’t any different. I act like I’m all cool and in control and then after a while I know I’m safe with them or you know..I know I’m not dsafe with them.I guess that one may be more of an exception because the more you get to know someone the more flawed you appear. The shiny representation you put on at first is starting to peel off and your partner is starting to see all that you are. So I guess in a relationship I fake it until I can be me and we see if they’re willing to stick around.

In either case, after the break up, you fake that you’re alright until, hopefully…eventually…you are.

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