What do I think?

I hate when you’re sitting in a meeting or a classroom and someone points to you and says “what do you think?” Obviously I think many things but that doesn’t mean I have formed them into a coherent thought process. If I had something I felt was worth sharing, I would have volunteered to share it.

Today was a little different though. I went on a date with a guy. He was nice enough, if only a little odd. He kept talking about himself and I just kept nodding along because the music playing in the background was from the 80’s and it was enough to make the date bearable. But then, across the haze I’d formed I hear “what do you think?” and I snapped to attention. What do you say when you’re not really paying attention? I usually say “I don’t know it’s hard to say” …so I did. It turns out what he had asked was whether I felt there would be a second date…so obviously my answer was fairly rude. He looked pretty offended and a little hurt but then he said ” I bet you wouldn’t put out anyway”.

Why is it that if you hurt a guy, even by accident, his defense mechanism is to pretend he has no feelings at all? It okay for a man to have feelings and show them! It is not a bad thing to care. I dated a guy a few years ago. We got into fights all the time because he never expressed any emotion so I never knew how he was feeling. And when I tried to ask how he was feeling he would say he was fine. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. If he was fine, fine, if he was sad, fine, if he was angry, fine. How do you act around someone or help someone with their troubles when they won’t even tell you what’s wrong? When we did break up, I left feeling as though he knew 80% of all of me and I knew 20% of all of him. It was like giving a stranger your heart and praying he’d care for it.

I don’t think chivalry is dead but I think without proper socialization that it could be dead soon. I’ve met a few gentlemen in my lifetime so far but only a few. The kind who kiss you on the forehead and reach for your hand first. The kind who hold doors for you and truly care how you feel about their advances and them. I am currently in a position in life though, where women are of plenty around me and I have no leverage to say “no”. If I say no it means they’re gone to the next one and I’ll be lucky if a man looks my way anytime soon.

Roses are red

violets are blue

I wanted love

he wanted to screw.

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