“Baby, don’t hurt me.” whispers the little voice inside of me. Is it whispering it to me or to him. Who’s responsible if I fall in love, who’s to blame if I simply fall.
As mentioned in a previous post, dating has been under way for me. Unlike most of the people I come into contact with, I recently matched with a man who didn’t want a hook up or a FWB. He wanted to get to know me, he wanted friends. I thought this was a rather noble quest because it is so hard to meet people these days who are truly interested in who you are as a person. The problem with this man…is that I want him. I understand the concept of wanting what you cannot have, but he’s not like that. He’s had it rough in relationships and actually just wants someone to hang out with. He’s not playing a game with my heart though I almost wish he was. It’s the kind of situation where I can’t push for it because he’s not ready. It sucks.
One of my biggest problems since I was a kid was falling to hard, to fast. I become attached. It’s not obsessive or anything but I really care about what happens to them. It’s actually more pathetic than anything else. For instance, yesterday he hadn’t texted me all day so I texted him. When he finally texted back he seemed kind of distant and I started to wonder why. was it because he had a hard day? was he tired? was it me? I know this makes no rational sense because it obviously couldn’t have been me but I worried about it anyway. Today though, he texted me and he was his charming self.
It’s so hard to guess how people are feeling through technology. Everyone is always talking about how technology brings us closer to people but it also allows us to keep our distance when we don’t have to. It enables us to push people away. It enables us to disconnect empathy and be apathetic in our responses. It changes us.