A rainy day, lost memories

So today I woke up to the wonderful surprise of rain, which we’ve already established makes me happy. I went for a nice stroll and promptly fell on my butt and slide into a huge puddle. Now, you may think that these events would send me back to the solice of my room but it didn’t. If anything, since I was soaking wet now, I wasn’t worried about falling anymore.

I have a friend who used to appreciate the rain like I do. On a perfect rainy day I could always convince him to leave the comfort of his own home and come hang out with me. We’d sit around in the rain as if nothing could touch us on a rainy day. We’d slip down hills and splash through puddles because what was a little water? We had ample dry clothes at home but only a limited time to play in the rain. Saying play makes it sound like we were very young but we weren’t. We were teenagers. We never got sick either because he and I hardly ever got sick. It was harmless fun and I miss it a lot these days.

Actually, if I am being honest, I probably miss his company more than anything. He was the sweetest guy in the world and he was willing to waste his time with me. I was good at that…convincing people to waste their time on me. I never deserved it, I was like the puppet master. I knew what I wanted and I could get it. When I look back, I hate that side of me because I know I just needed people to notice me because my family never did. So I took advantage of anyone who gave me their love and I wore them out and I threw them away because even though I wanted people to love me…I had no idea how to be loved.

I still don’t.


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